And by the way your jibes on shoulder massages got poor James O’Halloran so flustered he was offering rubs to the military by the time you’d finished with him – soldier rubs indeed.

Disgraceful!

Well I might have expected this type of response from Ms. Glenda ‘Predator’ Goodman.

I’m not sure what kind of ‘prison soap rules’ upon which she normally bases her moral compass, but let me just be clear: I am not just some piece of meat here for her amusement. I don’t get this type of overt, hypersexed attention at home, I certainly don’t expect it in a professional workplace.

My wife would be horrified.

Alexander Jones

All I can say is that I am not the one who failed to lock the shower door, therefore welcoming this type of attention.

Sincerely

Glenda Goodman

Dear HR,

I’m not one for complaining, but I find myself in the uncomfortable situation where I am now being objectified in what can only be described as an overtly sexual manner.

Over the years I’ve come to recognise that my unique physique and presence holds a certain mystique and appeal to a particular subsection of society, and I have had to as a result reconcile myself to the sort of attention that naturally emerges. You might say the blind have ‘had it good’ for too long, but that would be entirely unfair to a hugely underrepresented tranche of the population.

Today, June 27 2019, through no fault of my own I became little more than a voyeuristic plaything for Ms. Glenda Goodman who surreptitiously gained  access to the shower room in which I was performing my morning ablutions. Not satisfied with this gross intrusion of my privacy, she has felt compelled to share this experience with Mr. James O’Halloran.

I’m not complaining for myself, I’ve had to deal with this type of ‘carry on’ for years, but my sympathies lie with Mr. O’Halloran. During the course of a lunchtime work out session, Ms. Goodman felt happy to pepper the conversation with lurid and unholy innuendos. As a mature person, I recognise that there’s no way for Mr. O’Halloran to compete on a simple physical level, but in many ways he is a naïve and innocent flower clearly unused to dealing with these types of situation.

I must therefore, for his sake, take the higher road, and request that Ms. Goodman be ‘taken in hand’ so to speak. She must be put on notice that her unseemly and immoral predilections must  be contained and hidden even in the most accepting of workplace environments.

I’m sure the HSE have some programmes that would prove useful, or perhaps John of God – failing that, can I perhaps humbly suggest these guys?

Thank you for your kind attention

Alexander Jones