Banned

Dear HR,

Thanks for sending on the letter, I have to admit I was surprised by the contents.

I didn’t think it was possible to be barred from and Employee Assistance service, but I guess we live and learn. I thought some of the language used was choice to say the least. Me a homophobe? – I hardly know how to spell it. But that wasn’t what caught my attention.

The reference to M. Bernie Senders was a shock to say the least. Not Mr? Not Mrs? Not Ms? No, far more sinister I think.

Nearly twenty years ago I was CTO of an encryption company where I had some dealings with GCHQ and MI5 – tiresome though it may be I once again find myself in a place where I have some experience. Now, as any Bond fan knows, James worked for MI6 – and his boss was M. 

MI5, you may be aware, deals with internal security within the UK and MI6 is foreign security – like the FBI and the CIA in the United States.

To find that M. is operating undercover in what is effectively a call centre on the face of it makes no sense, but if we suspend disbelief for a moment it makes perfect sense. What an ideal location to discover people’s vulnerabilities, which can then be manipulated for their own villainous ends. Now I’m terrified, what started off as a simple case of harassment has uncovered perhaps the greatest conspiracy in the history of the Irish state.

Wait a minute, aren’t you English too?

I don’t feel safe at all.

I will be terminating all communication forthwith. This will be my last message.

Alexander